This nigga.
1. He is now the Priest-King of the former Free City of Norvos. He overthrew the republic last I checked.
2. He has A BAJILLION FUCKING KIDS
3. AND THESE ARE JUST THE ONES WE KNOW ABOUT
4. He doesn't even have a wife.
5. He has two concubines, but they've literally produced three kids between the both of them, and one was stillborn.
6. That means the rest are all bastards from
different fucking women.7. He's a Bearded Priest, now
king of the Bearded Priests, which means on top of being an elite fighting badass, he is married to his fucking ax.
8. Literally married. He doesn't even have a beard.
9. Also, did I mention that both his concubines are in love with him?
10. He's not even 50.
11. Now listen, I've been shameless and tried to pump out kids as much as possible by sleeping around, and I almost always try to have as many children as possible (because the family aspect of this game appeals to my inner Sim-playing woman). I don't think I've ever had that many kids, even with a full lifetime of man-whoring.
12. He also has herpes.
13. Coincidentally, everyone else in Norvos also has herpes.
14. He looks like he belongs in your dad's garage band.
15. HE HAS -1657 PRESTIGE.
As for me:
1. The wrinkly scrotum you see in the top left corner is the one and only Aegon the Conqueror, First of His Name, Lord of the... Twenty Kingdoms (and counting + the riverlands)? Also the Emperor of New Valyria.
2. Dragon Conquest casus belli is fucking OP, especially with a monster like Balerion. After conquering Westeros, I thought I might as well conquer the nine Free Cities too, because I still wasn't even 30 and had a lot of time to kill. And then that turned into conquering Andalos, and then the Rhoyne, and then the Stepstones because I might as well bridge the two continents, and now I'm working on the Summer Isles because why the fuck not.
3. I honestly probably could have conquered most of the map by now had I not spent a few decades chilling at home in King's Landing pumping out kids. I took a short break because I'm debating when "too much" is really too much.
4. Essos fucking hates me (except for Ferrego the Bro of Norvos), but hasn't so much as tried rebelling on their own. I am 99% sure they will all launch into rebellion at once as soon as I die like little bitches, but I guess that's alright.
5. They hate me primarily because I abolished slavery upon my conquest, even though I legalized thralldom (which is essentially Diet Slavery). I tried legalizing slavery again so they wouldn't despise me as much, but the fuckers will refuse to vote it in out of spite. What is this shit.
6. I also married and fucked both my sisters woops.
7. My five living incest babies are both godlike and terrifying at the same time. Targaryens are so fucking fun.
8. Maelor Targaryen, Prince of Dragonstone, the firstborn, attractive and insane, rider of the dragon Darkscale, heir to my entire legacy. Married to his sister Rhaenys, the Dragontamer, quick-witted and rider to Anogaron. Jaekar, the Noble Dragon, the second son, attractive and rider to Belmurtys. Married to my youngest daughter, Princess Rhaelinor, affected by the greyscale disease which has left some of her skin mottled and stony to the touch. Fittingly, her dragon is named Greyfyre. And finally there's Daegar, a brilliant military commander and anointed knight, attractive, genius, a lunatic,
and homosexual, rider to the dragon Hegagon. Also drunk and depressed because he's married to some fat poetry-loving Tully slut while his older brothers get to bang their sisters and inherit all the glory. Classic middle child.
9. My empire is going to go up in flames the moment I die, and I would bet money on my children entering a three-way civil war as soon as it happens (as Essos rises up in rebellion like cunts).
10. Ahaha I'm so fucked.
