3:27 AM
That was the time shining brightly on the clock, shimmering a green-ish glow in all of its splendor. Not like she needed to look at it to know the exact hour of the day. It was too early for anything to be awake, not even a mouse or bird could be heard, no shuffling of feet, not a single peep or sound. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad. After all, she couldn’t sleep anymore. No feeling of tiredness ever crept into her system, never tried to lull her to a rest that she would never wake from. Pitch black was all it was inside the entire dormitory, save for the dim light filtering from under her room. There were only a few signs that she left around the school to indicate that she was going to be away for awhile. Her eyes traveled back to the Winter hallway, snowflakes splashing and turning on the glass windows of the taxi. Hopefully her friends wouldn’t mind that she wouldn’t be around for Christmas… Heh, maybe they wouldn’t notice she was missing, letting her slip out of their lives like a ghost, only a golden-eyed hazy memory. Or would it be blue? She didn’t know anymore. They probably never paid attention to that silly color change, considering the lack of questions concerning it. After all, who would care?
A quiet sigh, her fingers tracing the melted frost that trailed down the transparent panels. A bag with a few spare changes of clothes was in front of her along with a luggage sitting in the trunk, four gift boxes sitting at her feet: one for mommy, one for daddy, one for Kearn, and one for Callum. She didn’t know what compelled her to get him one. After all, he was dead. Dead without a funeral or proper burial. But it didn’t sit right to return home after so long and not buy him some kind of gift. Friends until the very end, right? It would’ve been stupid and selfish not to think of something. He’d do the same for her - she knew that.
It was saddening, to leave for home and not enjoy the holidays at school. But the Formal was a good substitute. Even if she didn’t do much there, it made her feel like she belonged, that she was part of the group and was normal among all of her fellow students. An unmistakable part of her knew that was simply an illusion. At least she managed to leave something for her closest friends. The paycheck from the cafe had arrived in the nick of time and she managed to get enough gifts and write a small letter to each of them… Maybe small was an understatement for Magic, anyway.
For him, there was those soundproof headphones she planned to buy him way back that night when she wound up staying over in his dorm. There wasn’t much that it would help with - her earphones were useless and were running dull, the cord fraying at the ends - so compensation was a batch of red velvet cookies, just in case they didn’t work in the end. Knowing her stupid and silly thoughts, the headphones were probably going to be just as useless as she figured when she went to buy them. Was it selfish to have chosen that gift instead of changing it? Agh, it really would’ve been better if she had gotten him something else. He’d done so much for her and she couldn’t even repay him decently.
Her message was so cheesy and sappy that Adeline that regret and embarrassment was welling up inside her chest, a pang of shame going through her as she recalled every word that she had written down in her measly, tiny handwriting.
Merry Christmas, Magic.
I’m sorry that I left the school without telling you anything… Will you be mad at me for that? I didn’t know what to say and the opportunity never came up… Do you remember that day in the studios when my brother called? I - well - I decided to go home for a few days. It’ll be the first time my whole family will be together, so I want to try and do something…Knowing me, I’ll mess it all up and make everything worse, won’t I? But I'll try my best to fix it all.
I hope these headphones work for you… I know that your hearing can become overwhelming and that it hurts a lot. The store owner told me that they’ll block enough outside noise that you’ll have normal hearing, but I’m not sure if it’s true. If it’s not, I managed to bake some cookies. Vince told me a long time ago about what you liked… He saw me I hope they’re to your liking. I tried my best to finish them. I’m really sorry if they’re burned at the edges or something.
Thank you for everything you’ve done for me so far and everything that you will do for me in the future. I’m so sorry for always troubling you and messing it all up… I know this isn’t enough to repay you. I’ll do my best to make it up to you when I get back!
Happy holidays
The message sounded even stupider the more she thought about it. Why was she so embarrassing…?
She got close to telling him she had been working to earn the money too. Did she remember to take off the price tags?
If she went back… Who knows? Her time storage was draining itself faster than ever. It was an inevitable death that she would never be able to avoid. No. This wasn’t the time to be thinking about that. Carefully, her mind went over what she got for some of her other friends, just to make sure that she didn’t leave anything unattended before she left. Some antique Flash merchandise for Barry that Kearn helped her find, a teddy bear to pay Aspen back for the one that she gave her along with some mango macarons, cupcakes for Leo and Keirsta, and a few other things for other people… Not to mention the necklaces that she left for Aspen, Barry, and Vince. They weren’t much compared to the one that she made for Magic - maybe simple amulets -, but they were there. Maybe she rushed them too quickly to try and finish for the holidays… Or tried too hard to make them impressive. In the end, they were amateurish, only one-fourth done. At least she wrote that she’d finish them when she came back to the academy. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too weak by then or dead quite yet.
The car ride to the airport was dull and uneventful. There wasn’t much to do when the driver was simply someone the school hired and you weren’t able to sleep. A few times, the person sitting at the front would tell her to get some rest, but she politely refused. Reading books wasn’t helping much - she didn’t get any new ones. Drawing wasn’t simple when the vehicle was constantly bouncing up and down, making it bumpy and causing her pencil to lead itself away into shaky lines. Her telescope was in her hands, but lowering the window would send a frosty chill and the driver was more than likely going to shiver and have his fingers fall off. It wouldn’t be right to make such a selfish request and risk it for someone else. A car’s heater wasn’t that great… was it? She didn’t know. The last time she was in a car was back for Chicago.
That was the last time she went on vacation for so long as well.
Ah, how much she ruined it for them. Her entire existence threw Magic’s mother off and they wound up fighting again and she couldn’t even do a thing to stop it. Then there was that waitress… There wasn’t anything wrong, they could’ve just stayed and she should’ve sat there and absorbed every word without complaining. In the end, her actions deprived them of their dinner. The second day wasn’t even that much better. Day three? Her shoulders slumped a little thinking back to it. That wasn’t… a good day… She should’ve tried to hide how distracted she was; she shouldn’t have slipped and fallen back into the pool; she shouldn’t have told him that it would be better to have her dead. So many people were hurt because she was trying to run away and mess everything up. Going out in public was a really bad idea now. It was selfish of her to think about going back home, but she couldn’t help it. The Evaluation had only strengthened that desire, save for the nightmare that confronted her.
She wouldn’t be surprised if something bad did happen. All bad things seemed to happen if she was involved, directly or not. Adeline shook her head feverishly, trying to abandon those kinds of thoughts. Think more optimistically, you moron. Right. Good things only happen to those who believe they will, right? God, that sounded so stupid. It was better than nothing. It was all she had to hold onto the tiny hope that her family would come back together, that everything would be okay in the end. Could she think that way for once or would it come back to haunt her in the future?
The car slowed to a stop, her eyes glancing drearily at the public service in front of her. Dropping a few coins into the driver’s hands, she grasped onto her belongings, having a slight bit of trouble trying to keep everything together. What was with her packing so much? She was going home for crying out loud. There would be more than enough of her things there. Her hand readjusted her cap, reaching to have her scarf cover her mouth, she restlessly let her eyes flicker around, half-scared that her cover would be blown and the other half that she’d mess up, trip and drop all of her stuff. With a silent plea that it wouldn’t reach that situation, Adeline managed to reach the security stands without much difficulty and only held onto a few carry-on items. But that was it, she was stopped by security.
“Hey! We need your ID before you can pass, kid.” Dammit… dammit. Showing that was going to ruin everything. Her lips thinned, fingers reaching into her bag to grab the card hesitantly. She shouldn’t have provoked Magic that day. It was her own fault for using her gift in public, it was her own fault for bringing the disaster upon everyone else, it was her own fault that she was in this mess right now. Just as she managed to feel the tip of the card, a man had answered for her, handing over a different rectangular piece of plastic to the officer, who spent some time inspecting it. His hand lifted her chin up to get a good look at her eyes, and Adeline swallowed down her anxiety, forcing herself to stay quiet and not say a word. After what felt like an eternity, the gate light turned green and she managed to pass through.
Gathering her belongings, she turned around to face whoever had helped her and a faint smile graced her features. That mask was recognizable anywhere, but even then, it was the passive look in his eyes. Magic would’ve killed her to know she was talking to him again - or maybe he would’ve killed him instead? No, no one else should be dying in her place - yet there was nothing he could do about it here and she was silently glad. The ID card was flung in her direction, her hands reaching up and barely catching it. ”You’ll need it to get home.”
With a fleeting glance around the area to make sure the coast was clear, Adeline glanced up to him and opened her mouth up to say something, but with his finger placed on her lip, her cheeks immediately flushed red and she found her own breath caught in a throat that may have gone dry. ”It is none of your concern why I am helping you. There is no need to apologize.” Taking a step back, she averted her gaze, almost ashamed she had been staring at him. ”I-I… I-I’ll r-r-repay you wh-when I…” Her voice trailed off and she never finished as he walked away, vanishing just as suddenly as he came. Agh, why was she so slow at reacting? If she had just been a little faster, she could’ve properly thanked him and everything, but no. She was so fucking stupid in the end. A quiet sigh left her, her eyes wandering to the list of planes arriving and preparing to depart, the intercom crackling to life to announce her own station was calling its passengers to begin boarding. If she didn't hurry up, she wouldn't be able to catch her flight.
How lucky she was to not be able to feel tired or exhausted anymore, to not let those things restrain her. It was one of the few things that was more advantageous rather than life-threatening every time she gave away her own time. Thinking about it that way made her feel almost regretful about her actions, that she was taking advantage of a situation for her own gains to feel normal and healthy to an extent. Maybe she should--- no, that was wrong. Even if she was beginning to seem more fit physically, it didn’t matter as long as she was saving someone else’s life, right? In the end, these small side-effects will mean nothing once she was finally gone. Death wasn’t terrifying. She was fine with it. This was her last chance to go home and make things right before that time came.
Even the plane ride wasn’t all too exciting, but that was alright. One final stop after this. The train and she’d finally be home. Didn’t Kearn tell her to text him before she boarded the plane? You idiot! she scolded herself silently, her mind falling into a disarray. What if her brother got the wrong idea and that she got trapped or lost again? What if he thought she messed up somewhere along the lines? No, no, no. This was Kearn she was talking about. He knew more than anything that she probably forgot. Why did the most important things always seem to slip out of her mind? Stupidstupidstupid. Even after all of this time, she was so forgetful; Callum would’ve laughed at her and teased her endlessly about it. Why did he die because of her?
He didn’t have to get her those flowers. He didn’t have to try and catch up to her before she left. He didn’t have to do any of that. Yet he did. Callum was like a second brother who helped watch and protect her and keep her spirits up. His silly, idealistic nature made people always think he was too much of a dreamer who didn’t look at reality, but his hopes for the future and how he viewed everything always widened her perspective and made her wish for the best. All of that went down the drain when he died. It was all her fault that he was run over by the truck in front of her eyes as she stood there, doing nothing after he pushed her out of the way. No, she had to stop thinking about the past. Thinking about it and feeling pity for herself would only lead to worse things… just smile and pretend everything was alright.
Everything is going to be okay…
The train was moving a tad bit too slow for her liking, and she did mind. Having all of this free time to think was bringing back memories that she wanted to keep chained to the floor and never set free, the white noise being the only thing to distract her from letting it resurface. This was drawing itself too close to home, too close to the Evaluation. She should’ve just walked the rest of the way. Station after station, passengers were stepping in and out, the automatic door swishing open and closed, and the clear ding! resonating every time they reached a new one. Her fingers smoothed the edge of the gift bag, hoping not to ruin it before Christmas day. The blurring view of the cities, the clear blue skies, the dawning sun was rising. She could identify every shop and street passing by from memory. Home was too close. But, she was fine with it. This time, she wouldn’t avoid the consequences, no matter how bad it was. This sudden burst of confidence scared her and she was suddenly feeling that this was a bad idea. She could still turn back, couldn’t she?
Don’t.
No, backing out now would put everything to waste. She had to do this.
Her eyes moved up, idly catching sight of the moving clouds up on the deep blue sky as the train began to lessen its pace. She straightened up a bit, her fingers clutching the book tightly, listening to the train’s announcement as it slowly slid to a stop. Something in her chest sank deeper in anxiety - it wouldn’t take long now. Forcing herself to swallow that bubbling feeling, the intercom burst to life as a monotone voice called out the name of the station, ringing throughout the compartment. Amtrak Train Station.
The lone train rumbled to a halt, hissing as the gates creaked open, and Adeline stepped onto the platform hesitantly with a heavy breath. People swarmed all around her - each and everyone’s steps hitting the floor in hurried motions, leaving no place for the slower ones. She couldn’t help but wince; it had been too long since she had to face a crowd like this, and she had grown unaccustomed to it ever since the languid pace of Beata came into play. The school’s atmosphere made her feel closer to content, but now, everything about her seemed to be as fragile as lead, snapping if she took even one step.
It was the same as the Evaluation, the usual tempo of rush hour in the early morning as people scattered themselves to go to work. Nothing seemed to have changed from the familiar realm, far more modern than the Victorian-esque decor of the academy that was completely deprived of further innovations. How much had changed since the school opened exactly? Her eyes blinked a bit, trying to readjust to the sudden bath of light collapsing around, and everything fell into place. The town that she hadn’t seen in so long. Dennis was an old town, but it was a tired old town where the people moved slowly and there was no hurry, for there was nothing to do, nothing to buy and no money to buy it with. Everyone ambled slowly across, dragging themselves away on the stone-paved roads and the houses seemed to be sagging at every possible corner and turn. Quaint, but it was still her other home that she wanted to come back to.
The streets were riddled with obtuse colors and concession stands, people shouting here and there as they tried to sell their items. Children raced down the streets in a game of tag while some approached the local clown for a batch of balloons. Snow sprinkled in large piles, patching the black floor with grains of pastel, and her eyes fluttered softly to a close, breathing in the sharp scent of ocean breeze and salt. Water sprayed at the surfaces, waves flowing in and out on their crystalline surface. Tiny dots of kites could be located if she squinted hard enough, suspended in the air as their strings snaked down towards their owners below; there weren’t as many as there would be in summer, though. How cold was it right now?
A small breath let out a frosty billow of air in front of her, her hat sitting beside her on the bench outside as she waited for her brother. Why didn’t he let her walk back on her own? She knew the way back by heart. It wasn’t like she was going to fall and faceplant to the ground. Her gloved hand was holding onto her phone, the other without a cloth to cover it as she scrolled through her messages - the last one was from Kearn.
Sender: Kearn
You’re already here, right? Don’t move. I’ll come get you and we can walk home together.
How terse the message was could only tell her he was in a hurry. Kearn always seemed to be one step ahead of her; he didn’t even need her text message to know that she had arrived in town already. She really was always depending on someone else to help her. A stupid, annoying parasite. It was a mystery to her how they never got sick and tired of her yet. Or maybe they have and weren’t saying anything so they wouldn’t hurt her feelings. Couldn’t anyone just tell her, straight to her face, how useless and pathetic she was? How much of a trouble and burden she put on everyone else?
A voice interrupted her thoughts, breaking her out of her stupor. Another translucent white waft of air mingled with her own and when she lifted her head a little bit to meet the intruder, a gentle smile gracing her lips. ”Yo.” Her brother’s handsome features were something she could never forget. His kind blue eyes, calm composure, disheveled dark hair that swept along his forehead. Most of all, he seemed healthier and stronger than she’d ever be. Hopping to her feet, Adeline left behind her bags and raced forward, her brother wrapping his arms around her and spun around a bit, her hat drifting to the ground like a snowflake. Without saying anything, Kearn had taken her cap and patted it onto her head, the bill falling over her eyes and making her feel even more child-like than usual, her cheeks and the tip of her nose a rosy red from the cold.
”I-I c-could’ve gotten i-it…” It was futile to argue with him, but whenever he helped her out like that, it didn’t make her seem useless in the least bit. With everyone else, it always seemed like they were looking down on her. Maybe it was because they were twins. Yeah, that had to be it.
He was laughing a bit, his hand still clasping onto her shoulder - that shoulder - and seemed to cut short. Her eyes traveled over to a bit to see what he was doing, but she was too slow. Whatever it was, he was already done. ”Your hands are full. I brought the sled.” Her brother didn’t give her a chance to argue as he started piling her belongings onto the smooth, wooden board. ”K-Kearn…!”
”It’ll be easier this way, trust me.”
”B-but I-I-I… I c-can…”
The way his features hardened immediately told her to keep her mouth shut. ”You must be tired.” Her smile died a little and she shook her head. What was the point of him pretending? He knew that she lost all of that already. Was it just out of concern? With a defeated sigh, she followed him, the sled leaving smooth trails and footprints that followed from the side and in front of it. Complete white covered the town like a blanket - was it snowing that hard? What was the current temperature? While most of the trip was silent, as they were about to take a turn to head towards the secluded area of home, a group of children had approached, one of them tackling her brother to the ground, who had begun to laugh and smile. Adeline blinked, taking in the scene. The kids who had run to them were around kindergarten age. They were most likely the ones that Kearn was helping teach in his spare time, right?
Holding her hand out to help her brother up, he grasped it and pulled himself back to a standing position without much trouble. Snow had collected in his hair and shoulders, layering over his heavy clothes. Dusting it off, he faced the younger kids with a mischievous glint in his eyes. ”Okay, which one of you thought it’d be a good idea to sneak up on me like that?” Kearn was playing, wasn’t he? They weren’t the most conspicuous group; their bright colors were neon signs in the middle of a white world.
A number of indistinguishable voices spoke at once. However, when her brother cleared his throat, they immediately silenced themselves, fingers pointing at one another. There was one boy though who bravely stepped forward, chest puffed into the air as he tried to look a bit more powerful. ”It was my idea! We just wanted to have some fun with big brother.” Kearn had lowered to the little boy’s height, crouching down, his hand resting on the kid’s head. ”I’ll play with you guys later. Right now, I need to get home and help my mom. We’re having guests over for Christmas, okay?”
It was then that she felt all eyes come to her and Kearn had shot her an apologetic smile, a small shrug evident from his shoulders. Adeline was hoping they wouldn’t notice her existence, but now that her brother mentioned that, it was impossible to stay hidden. The corner of her lips turned up a bit, and she gave a small wave, doing her best to try and appear friendly and open without coming off as strange. Another girl walked up in front of her, piping up with a childish, innocent voice. ”Oh, are you friends with big brother?” Adeline gave a tiny, almost imperceptible nod, trying to find the right words to reply.
”Y-yes. I’m st-st-staying with h-him.”
Her response immediately earned squeals of glee and delight from the girls who began to gossip among themselves. Among the gibberish she heard, there were signs of ‘dating’, ‘girlfriend’, and a few other things that made her face red. ”You’re dating him, arentcha!” When she shook her head in a feverish manner, they took her embarrassed gesture incorrectly, using it as further proof. That was, until Kearn let out a small sigh, everyone’s attention snapping back to her twin. ”She’s my sister. Don’t you remember her?”
There was a hushed silence that swept over the kids before a collective and elongated “oh” chorused itself.
”Yeah, that’s Adeline, isn’t it?”
”The one who went to away school?”
”Mmhmm! I remember her now.”
Adeline let out a breath that she didn’t realize she was holding, a nervous giggle bubbling up from her chest. In the one year she had come back home after leaving Beata, she always found herself assisting her neighbors however much she could. All of it was voluntary and Kearn used to tell her to stop overworking herself and running errands for other people, to take time to relax for herself. But what was she supposed to relax about?
Nothing, of course.
Once her brother exchanged a few words between the kids and they scurried off in sporadic areas, a simple nod told her they were going to keep going. It wasn’t too much further. In a few more steps, she’d be back on those doorsteps, back home, and she’d see her mom again. Kearn kept saying over and over again that she’d be delighted to see her home, but what if he was lying to-- No. Her brother knew better than to lie to her and pretend that she was wanted somewhere. Everything he said had to be taken for the truth. He wasn’t the kind of person to take advantage of her. Yeah, he definitely wasn’t. Why was she letting all of this doubt fill her? She should just stop thinking… Thinking always made her more negative than necessary.
In her contemplative state, she didn’t see the stone in front of her. Within moments, her feet were stumbling and her vision told her she was getting closer to the ground. Her eyes fluttered to a close as she braced for whatever impact there should be, but it never came. Blinking her eyes open, she followed along her arm, to see that her brother had caught her wrist and held her up. ”A-ah…” Hastily, she straightened herself up and smiled a bit. ”Th-thank you...” The response came out mumbled and soft, almost instinctive.
”Don’t mention it.” Kearn always did whatever to make her more comfortable… he didn’t have to, but he did. His fingers carefully allowed her to slip away, and a few words were muttered under her breath that made him shoot her a curious expression, to which she just apologized for. ”You still say sorry too much.” Before she could do so much as open her mouth to respond, Kearn went ahead and stated the obvious.
”Mom, we’re home!”
The garden hadn’t changed. Even in the bitter cold of winter, little shrubs could be seen blooming. Purple and yellow pansies were close to the entrance, entwining their wooden fence with color. Snow drooped down on the trunks of trees, and even the red of holly berries were distinguishable like beads of blood. Anyone would say, “What is there to see in a winter garden?” without knowing its charms. Sunlight washed over the woodlands with a soft golden glow, trying in vain to melt the sugar-coated crystals glazing over fallen leaves. A fairyland of glistening white where the perpetual dance of freeze would win over the fleeting steps of thawing motions, just for the season. Snowdrops, violas, poppies, primroses - there were too many, all blooming in abundance and refusing to let the cold shy them back into their buds.
But the center of it all was the woman standing in the middle, her features concealed by a large parasol, fingers clutched perpetually at its handle. Her attention was captured by the sound of her twin’s voice and she twirled around in response, the skirt of her silver overcoat swaying back and forth, the white patterned scarf caressing her neck allowed the knitted ends to flutter in the wind. A youthful face adorned with signs of fatigue and tiredness, the pale white skin that seemed to rival the snow around, greeted them, the most pleasant of smiles falling on the her features. Coupled with frosted blue eyes that were sparkling with a friendliness and willingness to help that would make anyone feel naturally compelled to confide in her, the voice was the tip of the icing, laced with dulcet sweetness. ”Welcome home, Kearn. Could you---” Whatever words she was about to voice out were cut off as she processed the figure beside her beloved son, tears threatening to fall from her gentle eyes.
A hand came up, rubbing the glistening drops away before they would freeze themselves into static on her cheeks. ”It’s a little bit early, but I thought this was the best Christmas gift I could get you.” He was rubbing the back of his neck, his fingers catching the ends of his hair, as though almost slightly embarrassed or ashamed. Adeline glanced up at him before the entire situation dawned onto her.
”Y-you didn’t t-t-tell h-her…!”
Kearn simply continued to smile, replying with, ”Sorry, but I’m not sorry.” As though to avoid the predicament he had gotten himself into, he began to whistle a tune to himself, paying no heed to his sister who only let out an inaudible sigh. This was too much… he was messing with her the same way Callum would. It didn’t seem like her twin minded, but this was just for fun wasn’t it? She wouldn’t ruin it for him.
Her mother had approached the two of them, pulling the twins into a warm embrace that Adeline let out a small gasp of surprise. Being clutched so close like children that would never wish to leave their mom’s side, she let her remaining senses invoke nostalgia and blissful childhood memories. To the times where their family would have all the fun in the world together, whether it was playing a friendly game of soccer or surprising one another with gifts without the need of a special occasion to when hugs would be exchanged without warning to relying on one another to sleep at night. It was perfect. The best part? She ruined it all for them. Her heart was pounding loudly and she was afraid someone else would hear it. And so, she broke away with a despondent smile.
That didn’t seem to bother anyone, though. Mommy began to speak again, an almost surprised smile blooming. ”Oh, I should go call--” Her words were cut off by Kearn, who had put his finger to his lips with a loud sssh!, to which their mom immediately obliged, catching onto a message that went over her head and earned a confused look from her to her family. Kearn simply shook his head to indicate that it was nothing, and she gave him a small nod. No point in questioning her brother… but he was planning something. For sure.
Taking off her hat and holding it, as though she were attempting to hide behind it, Adeline bit the bottom of her lip. ”I-I’m going t-t-to… uhm… unpack.” Without another word, she snatched her suitcase and as many of her bags as she could and hurried into the house and to her room. Everything inside was the same as usual, nothing had changed. All of her things were left untouched. So far, Kearn hadn’t noticed that she didn’t have her necklace yet… She should’ve asked Warren when she had the chance.
Her room wasn’t as plain as the one back at school. At the academy, everything was tidy, organized, and neat without too much decor. After all, it wasn’t her property in the end. It’d be bad to leave an unwanted permanent mark on the school walls. She was able to blend in with the scenery there. But here was different. It wasn’t like it was impersonal or had only a few telltale signs that someone lived there; no, it was still just as clean as it should be. Strewn across almost every wall were bookshelves that towered far up into the ceiling filled with enough books that ranged from informational ones to sappy romance novels to fantasy adventures, creating a mini library. A ladder was presently leaning against one of the shelves. The floor itself was a giant antique compass rose, brown and cream in color without so much as a label to tell one which was north and which was south. There was a single window, long and narrow in size, where the sill was large enough for a person to sit on the velvet cushions; there weren’t any curtains. A lone telescope stand pointed out without a telescope to accompany it. The ceiling above was a giant celestial map, addressing various constellations in their intricate patterns as lines connected with one another to create images like the worksheets children enjoyed, speaking of the empyrean of the heavens where angels and immortal spirits lived. In the very middle, a scaled solar system hung from thin, almost transparent strings, with the respective planets encircling the sun, only a few moons visible. Her glowing globe model was sitting on her desk with a few books and maps, plushies and stuffed animals arranged carefully like a bouquet of flowers on one of her on the remaining shelves and drawers. Some papers were lying and unscrolled here and there, but the rest of her celestial maps were rolled up and placed in an umbrella stand. Even her painting canvas was left alone, sitting in a dark corner next to her bed. The only difference was the gold vanilla envelope that was tossed onto the surface of her desk, rose red seal being the only thing visible on it - not so much as a return address or any writing.
Nervously, her eyes flickered around restlessly underneath uneven bangs, trying to comprehend the possibilities. This letter might not be hers, it could be that Kearn misplaced it when cleaning her room for her and working around, forgetting to pick it up. Or her mom hadn’t finished writing it and was using her desk temporarily. It was highly likely that the letter wasn’t for her at all and then again, it could be. But why would someone send her something? Nobody at school knew her address and even if they did, nobody except the faculty should know she would be on vacation. Besides, if the staff needed anything from her, wouldn’t they have said something before she left?
Even touching the corners of the envelope felt like a crime and sent a disgusting chill down her spine. Holding it made her feel like the scum of the earth. Opening it made the contents spill out and fall to the floor, a soft cling! echoing across the walls before she could catch it. Ah great, just look at what she did now. Swallowing down her anxiety, her wavering gaze slowly began to drop to below her, a spark of red glistening that absorbed all of her attention. It couldn’t be her necklace, right? Adeline dropped to her knees, her hands clutching the object between her palms and unraveled her fingers to check. How did her necklace get here?
It was definitely the accessory she had been missing all of this time. The heirloom passed down from generation to generation in her family. Gold in color and intricate in a design that mimicked the gear of a clock, each detail etched with care, hanging from what must be an expensive chain. Within the center, the gemstone a crimson red with the shine of a marble ball, beady like an eye - save for the raindrop shape it took - was staring back at her, reflecting a mirror likeness to herself. This was definitely the necklace she had been looking for… Carefully, her fingers unlatched the chain and wrapped it around her neck, allowing the charm to sit on her chest. After a bit of effort and use of a mirror, she managed to get it back on where it belonged. What she didn’t expect however was the burst of light that shone from it, her eyes flinching back and shutting themselves closed to block it as best as she could. A faint voice could be heard in the distance, the door to her room opening, and within moments, she had blacked out for the first time in a few months.
”Ȃͩ̆̃̂͛ͮͨ̌̉͒̈́̇̄ͦ̅҉̨̮̩̪̥͕̣̪̱̝̺̀͜͡d̶̸͙͇̬̰̹ͣ̅͐̏ͨ͊͐̂́̇ͬͯ̕ͅȩ̵͉̻̹̳͖̝͖͔̹͕͔̼̣͍͙͋͋̽̒̐̚ͅļ̵̛͇̱̩͎̖̞͇̲̤̙͓͍̘̯́͌̿̔į̸̡̨͖̠͔̾ͪͬͨͫ̓͌ͪͧͬͨͅn̷͆̇ͪ̀̿͒҉̶͍̱̟̜̞̙̹̼̘͘͞é̫̺̦͇̩̪̯̝͈͖̻̜̟͉͓̦̥̫͍̿̄ͮͨ͊̆͗̓̽̇̓̅ͮ̏͗ͧ̊͞͝!̵͉̫͙͉̰̱͙͛̈́ͭ̎ͤ̈́̀ͦͬͩ́̚ͅ ̶̇̔ͤ͗͒̇̊̏̐ͫ̆̐ͬͯ̋̆̐̈̋̕͠҉͖̣͓̞̹͎̮̙̻͉̘̤̫̰̞͉̥ͅW̷̶̶̨̻̩̠̟̙̺͎̗̣̲̊ͨ̆̅͆͐ͪ͗̂͒͆̚͟ͅă̪̥̗͉̥̲̮̠͉̪̦͉͕̺͆́̋̈́̋̓͆̑ͣ̑͟ḵ̢̛̖̫̥͚̩̼̻̱̫̗̌̒ͪ̒́̍͐͂͗ͧͮ̆̔̋́̅ͫ̎͞ͅe̴̴̶̗͇̻̗ͮ͆̓̈́̍̎̋̃͢ ̶̟̲͇͎͈̣͓͎̩̟̄͌ͥͣ̈̏̈́ͬ̉͂̅ͬ̈́̀͗͆̆̓͞u̵̿̓́̉̿̒͌ͫͯ̓̃ͤ͌̔͌̌͠͠͏̹̺̘͖̫̘̭̩̩̹̲p̱̥͔̰̝͕̖̪̗̩̻͇̤̪̥͉̠͚̀̀ͫ̈͌ͤ̌͑̀̄̇ͩ̀͑ͩ̒̈́̚͘͞!̪̲͚͓̝͖̺̙͍͐̇̓͛ͫ͒̎̇̃̉͗́͒̇̌͘͜͟͡”
…
. . .
. . .
The clock located on her shoulder told her that it had been a blessed three minutes from the moment she fell to the floor and the moment she could tell someone was shaking her in a feeble effort to get her to snap her eyes open. From the voice, it definitely had to be her brother… Everything was patterned with blue-black blossoms that shadowed her line of sight, the dim lights allowing her some time to refocus and stop seeing double of the person holding onto her. ”This is why I don’t like leaving you alone!” His voice was cracking under pressure, beads of sweat were trickling down from his forehead, blue eyes filled with a mix of panic and urgency.
Adeline shook her head, her hand reaching up to his face, and with a bit of effort, she managed to sit up with her brother’s help. ”I’m s-s-sorry.” were the only words she could find. They were the words she could lean back on and constantly use in any given situation without fail. They were the only words that she truly knew how to say. A sigh of relief of relief could be heard from Kearn, who then proceeded to scold her.
”Adeline, I didn’t tell you to give me any of your time. You’re already running low as is.” Hacking bouts of coughs shook her figure and an innocent, curious expression filled her features when she glanced up at him. ”I-I d-d-didn’t…!” That was the truth, or at least, the truth that she was aware of. However, her mind chose to prove her wrong in any case as it searched for the exact number for her storage that seemed to constantly be depleting itself further and further down the road with each second that came falling down.
And the reality of it struck her day after day.
3 years, 11 days, 2 hours, 47 minutes.
When did it fall that far down…? By the time it went under three years, another sense would be lost. What was next? Sight? Memories? Emotions? Nervously fumbling with her hands, she bit back any more words that she wanted to say. Trying to argue with her brother would be futile when all he wanted was the best for her… whatever that might be. Kearn didn’t even have to say anything as he placed his hand on her forehead, the familiar blue incandescent shine. With the exchange attempting to take place once again, the one thing neither of them expected was for it to forcibly dissipate and push his hand away from her. In response, he eyed her and she shook her head feverishly in hopes that he knew she wasn’t part of this at all.
Her eyes were wide, almost fearful as Kearn tried again and again without success. It didn’t take long for the it to click in her mind that something was blocking her from obtaining more time. It didn’t take long for her to realize someone must have altered her necklace. But she kept quiet about it, not letting out a peep when she decided to speak up again, her voice shaking, a breathy laugh being the first sound she made. ”K-Kearn, y-y-you c-can st-stop now…” Why was he trying so hard to give her something that didn’t even belong to her in the first place? ”Pl-please.”
The way his gaze narrowed dangerously made her seem smaller as she nestled into her scarf, shifting uncomfortably in place. ”Do you know how hard it’d be to lose you?” Her fingers clenched tighter into a fist, her mind racing to find anything to make her brother take back those words, to make him stop caring about her. Death was inevitable, and the fact that he knew the exact day that she would stop breathing was enough. Why keep fighting destiny? Their eyes locked onto one another and a staring contest that seemed to last an eternity took place. Never-ending, never wavering, it wouldn’t stop. At least, that’s what she thought.
With a defeated sigh, Kearn tore his brilliant blue eyes away. ”I’ll help you finish unpacking, then.” That kind of statement made her puff her cheeks up just a bit with a small huff, absentmindedly pulling her brother back down to the floor as she got back up like a balance board. ”Y-you don’t have t-to.”
”What? I can’t help my little sister to show her how much I love her?” There he went again, teasing her in the only way that he knew how. He’d never say anything in front of a crowd and would be more overprotective about her state than even their mother, but at home, he was always so playful and must’ve turned it into a hobby to constantly mess with her. But he was poking fun and if that was the case, she wouldn’t try and argue back. Why ruin someone else’s enjoyment?
And it was the only time she was willing to tease someone back and not feel awful about it. ”Couldn’t y-you j-j-just h-hug me instead…?”
”Good idea. I’ll do both.”
”Y-you kn-kn-know what I m-meant!”
She missed hearing his laugh, letting their useless and light banter go on for hours and hours. They were siblings, twins even, but there wasn’t much they could do when they had mountains and rivers between them. The timezone difference made it difficult when Kearn still had to focus on school while trying to help around the house. Add onto the fact that he had a much brighter future than her, there was no time to bother him. They were twins, the same age, but they were nothing alike. He had a future and dreams to accomplish; she had neither, letting herself live the life of a stepping stone for others, useless trash in the end that wouldn’t be much use to anyone. For that, she would be fine putting a knife to her throat and getting it over with. But doing that wasn’t right. Kearn would never allow it.
Callum wouldn’t have let her either, would he? After an hour or two of unpacking, going around the neighborhood and revisiting old landmarks, volunteering to get things for her neighbors - or as Kearn liked to put it, running errands - and all of the other things they used to do, just the two of them, Kearn had paused in front of one house, gesturing to a nameplate that made the color of her skin drain to white.
A I N S W O R T H
That family name… Why would they move to America? Last she heard, they were running a successful business back in Europe. Her brother answered her unspoken question. ”Didn't trust a foreign branch and felt they'd do better here.” Even though her mom was close to the other family, Adeline couldn't help but feel the twinge of regret rising high and making her heart sink. She killed their son. She killed her best friend. Why…?
”They don't blame you for what happened.”
It was her fault. She would never stop thinking that, and her brother knew that more than anything. Why did he keep trying to insist it wasn't? He doesn't want you to keep getting hurt. There was the constant reminder ringing in her head that she was too quick to blame herself, too quick to apologize, too quick to believe she was a bad omen. Even her own subconscious wasn't agreeing with her. Not that it ever did, but it was always being negative. She wanted to believe the small change was Kearn’s influence, but it would never change what she thought about that day.
But she knew more than anything that someone still blamed her.
Callum’s little brother. He was even more hostile than her former classmates back in France and well… that said a lot. She wouldn't put it past Kearn if he still hated her for it too.
Night was approaching, the purple twilight and dusty gray clouds beginning to form an interstellar nebula in their magnificent swirls. The sun was sinking, only a golden half-disk in the horizon, singing the snow-capped hills to sleep. A few shining points were appearing in the sky, signifying the first stars that would fill the darkness of the night, giving it the friends, hopes, and dreams that would always come back with each day.
The two twins were walking together in the lone, snow-trodden road, eerie dim orange lights being their only waypoint around the quaint, tired town. Adeline assumed more than anything that they were going home, that they weren’t going to stop anywhere else, but that thought was completely wrong when her brother stopped mid-way in his sentence, pausing in his steps. Tilting her head to the side, worry was evidently written over her face. ”I-Is something wrong?” He didn’t answer right away, his mouth hanging half-open as though he were trying to find the right words. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t take this long. The gnawing silence was something he grew to despise over time - there had to be some kind of sound or else he felt restless, especially when shadows were the only things creeping around in the wake of twilight.
Should she prod him for an answer? Should she worry about it? This wasn’t right. It was like her brother had become a completely different person, someone who looked exactly like him, but wasn’t. Her finger was scarcely away from touching his shoulder, lingering hesitantly in the air. Don’t do it. Everything in her mind was screaming that it was a bad idea, that she should just ignore it, that she should leave her brother and slip away while she still could. This was going to backfire on her and she was going to regret it. That was the one thing that was certain. But she suppressed every urge that told her to cease in her actions, mustering up whatever confidence she had left, and gently poked Kearn. The immediate response told her that he was thinking about something before, whatever it was. ”A-are you okay…?” She hated how hesitant she sounded, how scared and frightened she was of someone who had been the closest thing to a best friend; he was someone he could always talk to. Why was she so jumpy?
Kearn blinked, turning to face her with one of the widest smiles she could recall ever seeing on him. That was the first warning sign. Something was wrong. ”Hmm? I’m fine.” Adeline tried to say something. He was quicker. ”Do you want to go there?” The way his voice turned to a hushed whisper, dropping lower, and how he had leaned in to say it right into her ear. Ah yes, of course. Their midnight walk was cut short, his silly signals and gestures that she just nodded to. His fingers clasped onto her wrist, and Adeline didn’t try to fight back, letting him drag her. Her heels turned down, facing an ancient forest path into yellow woods where the road diverged halfway through. Anyone was bound to get lost if they messed up at the beginning. Did she still remember the way? No, that didn’t matter. Kearn would guide her every step of the way. He walked with an accustomed tread through the acres of fruit trees, flowers and fruit beginning to wilt and everywhere was the scent of death and the booming of a million bees was absent. The gentle humming of birds soaring by was gone, not a butterfly in sight that would be dancing their endless dance.
Soon, the canopies of the forest began to close in, casting shadows and blankets of darkness at every nook and cranny as the towering trunks bore unexpected pale flowers all the way up, life jumbled together messily and all was a series of white noise above. The air felt darker and heavier, almost as though the atmosphere had thickened in a haunting silence, vines dropping their ropes like the rigging of foundered ships, their feet leaving prints in the soft white soil and everything shivered in their lengths at the slightest of movements. They didn’t pay much heed to the bright yellow caution tapes, walking over without so much as a care in the world.The whole space was walled with dark aromatic bushes, and was a bowl of heat and light, screens of leaves breaking into nothingness. The candle-buds opened their wide flowers glimmering under the light that pricked down from the honey-colored sunlight, the sounds of bright fantastic birds, the bee-sounds, and crying of the gulls never came. Flowers stirred, green sepals drawing back a little and the colored tips rose delicately to meet the open air, swaying in the whistling, gentle breeze.
She could feel her lonely heart, too weak to resist, allow nostalgia to get the better of her. This was a secret place for her. This was a secret place for her brother. This was a secret place for him. A place where they could gather, playing overtime for a few days, and come up with obscure plans and adventures for them to be heroes of their own tales, villains of their own stories, letting time waste away. A world where nothing outside mattered and they could be kids forever, never worrying about the idea of growing up or real responsibilities, a dreamland to escape to when life seemed to be putting too much pressure on them.
Their secret base where the great elderwood tree of fantasies grew, just for them.
”Come on you two, you’re so slow!”
A young boy with spiked dark green hair and most vibrant of forest eyes was calling them, adorned in a black hoodie and tan pants. His face sported all sorts of energy and was always characterized by one of the widest grins she had ever seen. People said he was too idealistic. Currents of air snaked down his fingers, his entire figure seemingly levitating in the air as he flew with the wind like the freest of birds. At the top of the hill, in the middle of the night where oceans of clouds seemed to encircle the area and cover it in a fog too dense for anyone to pass through. Anyone normal, at least.
Racing past her, it was her brother calling out as she trailed behind at her own moderate, walking pace. ”You’re just cheating with that wind of yours.” The response Kearn had given only sparked an even more mischievous glint from the other person, who quickly redirected the whistling breeze to their direction, picking them up and off their feet and into the air. Her own startled gasp snapped her twin’s attention back towards her, his hand reaching out and holding onto her as she buried her head into his chest, too timid and terrified to look down. His eyes had narrowed into a dangerous glare, signaling a warning that caused all the roaring wind to hold still and only thin air existed. ”Callum! Put us down.” The boy - Callum - his lips turned downward into a frown and with a tiny sigh and even a grumble, he abided to Kearn’s request and lowered them carefully until their feet scraped the grass below, disturbing the green blades as they were tipped to the side.
Callum’s head was resting on his hands, his face feigning an innocent smile. ”My bad. I lost a bit of control there.” As much as that seemed to be the truth, Kearn proceeded to wrap his arm around the other boy’s neck, lowering him and messing up his hair. ”Stop messing with us!”
His cheeky grin never left. ”Okay, okay. I’ll make it up to you.” The disbelief written in her brother’s eyes was as plain as watching paint dry, his gaze boring into the other boy’s without backing down. Callum’s response was only to shrug before holding his hand out to her, to which she took without hesitation, her other hand firmly grasping onto her hood as she tried to keep it over her head. ”You trust me, don’tcha?” Her face contorted into a pout, her own smile beginning to form.
”O-Of c-c-course.” There was nothing wrong with his playfulness after all. It was just a fun, little joke. That was all it was. Kearn shook his head in disapproval, jabbing his thumbs into his pockets. Their attention was caught again when Callum’s voice rung out, his index finger pointing up towards a jet streaming across the sky.
”Look!”
She wasn’t sure, but she was positive that her brother was rolling his eyes. ”An airplane? Doesn’t your family work for one?” Adeline didn’t try to say anything to support either argument. Kearn’s eyes were wide in amazement though, just as Callum’s face was as bright as the sun. The puffs left behind by the jet began to shape themselves together into a star.
”Yeah, but they don’t make any shapes like this one.”
”Isn’t that a little silly and a waste of time and resources?”
”Oh, come on. Some fun doesn’t hurt. Lighten up, Kearn!”
Their light banter didn’t seem to be stopping until her twin’s face darkened and he stopped responding. Just as she was about to reach her hand out to him and tap him on the shoulder, Kearn immediately spun on his heel, beginning a chase to which Callum darted around, avoiding her brother’s grasp by mere millimeters each time. The fun they were having, coming up with these ridiculous stories out of the blue, their smiles and laughter, it was something that inspired the wind to keep blowing, the sky to stay up above, and the sea and tides to continue washing and bathing the world in their glory. And she was standing there with her own smile, watching them and content with being at the sidelines. ”I’ll show you how to lighten up!” Her brother caught him, continuing in his bout to ruffle his hair and mess it up even further. It was then, that the gentle breezes from before abruptly turned harsh and blew the petals off the moonflowers away from their bed, the winds becoming a soft lullaby.
Callum had broken away from her brother, his fingers maneuvering with the wind and directing them like a conductor would with his orchestra. The flowers were dancing under his control, setting up a scene that only appeared in movies like magic. They weren’t normal and yet, Callum always made everything bad about their powers seem beautiful. He had bent down, his hand breaking the stalk of a flower, and in a mock-polite gesture, he offered it to her.
She didn’t know what he was doing, but accepted it with an even wider smile. ”Th-thank you…!” He had turned back to face her brother, who was staring wide-eyed at the scenario in front of them. Adeline couldn’t help but agree with his reaction - here, they were living a fairytale, living a scene straight out of the book. And it was all because of Callum.
”Have I repaid my debt, yet?”
Of course he did. Time after time, no matter how idealistic people believed he was, Callum always wound up cheering them up and taking them away from the darkest of times. Too much nostalgia, too many memories… The past never brought any good. Why did she let herself get so close to him?
A better question: why did she let herself start making the same mistake again with Magic? The time they’ve been spending together, though the duration didn’t compare Callum’s yet, was something that made her happy again. She found herself constantly smiling and laughing and trying to enjoy herself, and yet… it was so selfish of her. Magic would suffer. Kearn was looking over at her again, his smile faltering because of her. The comfort he tried to bring by placing his hand on her shoulder and drawing her closer didn’t work. She couldn’t feel that warmth anymore. There was nothing meeting her in the future except the cold embrace of death. Her lips thinned when she heard her brother speak again.
”Hold on, I’ll be right back. I promise.”
He broke off into a sprint and left her alone in the dark. Glancing over at the tree, she slowly seated herself there, hands searching for the letters carved by a rusty old knife so long ago. Their names, permanently etched onto the rough bark, would remain there forever. A friendship pact Callum said. By signing and eternalizing it onto a tree that would never fall, they would be friends. Friends until the very end. Quit moping around. Right, right… It’d be bad to let her brother come back and see her in this state. There weren’t many flowers around, not as many as back then, but maybe that was a good thing. Seeing them made her think too much back to the past.
Walking towards the center of the terrain, Adeline inhaled, relishing in the scent of the forest and flowers, the aroma just as sweet as she remembered. Her eyes fluttered to a close, arms stretched outward, and she allowed her body to fall backward. Fluffy white snow was drifting from the clear skies, the stars shining in the diamond encrusted world, and were melting on her face, some collecting in her hair and many others blanketing the ground around her in a soft, warm blanket. Flowers were letting their petals fly as free as a bird to join with the frosted flakes as they drifted upward with the assistance of the wind. Her hand was outstretched, the palm reaching towards the stars that she would never be able to reach, would never be able to grasp at the tips of her fingers. She took a deep breath and turned her head to one side.
There was only a wilted flower, its leaves dropping and all color drained to sepia. The buds had never bloomed and it was covered by the bitter hoarfrost of winter, the hope to grow and become a beauty in the world forever gone. Anyone would believe that it wasn’t pretty, that it should be thrown into the trash. But it was a cycle of life, for death to exist. It wasn’t some tissue that they could dispose of whenever they wanted. That was never the case. It was something worth protecting too.
A bird was flying overhead, its chirps singing and making her look up again, to the brilliant starry skies. The wind, the sky, the land… everything was precious to this world. And most of all, the people in it who would laugh and smile all the time. They were important, everyone was important to someone… Except her. But that was fine. She was fine with it- it was determined so long ago.
Footsteps were sounding, coming closer to her. A voice that she thought didn’t exist anymore in this world was ringing in her ears. It was beaten with pants and sounded heavy, maybe even deeper than before, but it was one in the same. The voice of the person who always managed to make her smile and cheer her up; the voice of the person who stuck by her until the very end.
”Hey!”
With one hand, she pushed herself up, rubbing her eyes as though to tear away a nonexistent tiredness in them. Was this a dream? Or was it real? Towards the bottom of the hill was Kearn, someone else’s arm wrapped around his shoulders as they searched for balance so that they wouldn’t fall. It was too dark to make the figure out at first, but the moon with its blessed rays shone upon them, making the stranger come to life in features and form. Choppy, messy dark green hair with verdant eyes of the forest hardened by the experience of meeting death. He was donned by a white outfit adorned by green accents with dark pants; his limbs seemed almost flimsy but his smile... Yes, his smile was as bright as ever.
Standing up, Adeline slowly began to walk towards the two in a hesitant manner. Wake up. She knew he was dead. This was a hallucination, wasn’t it? There was no way this was real, absolutely no way. As much as she wanted it to be, the dead didn’t come back to the living. Once they were gone, they were gone forever, never to take another step, never to take another breath, never to speak another word. This, more than anything, was asking for the impossible. In that moment, she found herself tripping again, eyes widening as the ground came closer to her face. She was ready to fall again and take the consequence of being such a stupid klutz, but it never happened. It never really did with her brother or Callum around. A small gasp and she found herself caught by the wind, levitating in the air above everything else. Turning her face upward, the stars seemed closer than ever and suddenly more reachable. Reach for the stars. Two people joined her up there in the air, and she felt her heart sink to the depths of hell.
”Miss me?”
