Remember, Whatever [closed]

It had long since become a practiced art of his. To give them all that you could; make them whimper, moan, and squirm around in your arms, and it was the most selfish pleasure that he could possibly imagine. In truth, he hardly saw this girl in his arms. He could only feel her: her warmth, her softness, the familiar comfort and caresses and whispers that all meant the same thing: that she wanted him. It was the most addicting feeling in the world. When it boiled down to it, it was an insane, simple desire for attention; yet that glimpse of love felt so damned impossible, so pointless, these carnal moments would always end up being the next thing.

Throughout the rush, the high of his joint and the open room and daylight, he made the best work he could considering the time rush. He'd moved past the all-powerful gentle caresses, letting her stay warm and clothed for he most part as he played with her, or as he pushed up against her; away from the window and wary from the door. It all went by in a heart-heavy blur.

Preston had her bent over the side of the piano, his breath muffled in her head and his hands on her hips. It'd been so easy to forget her and lose himself then, there was no backing out or stopping when it all came to an end. For that one split second, he found himself groaning into her shoulder and was overtaken was bliss. When it was done, he took a few steps back, reality sweeping over him again. He felt cold and empty as ever.

"Fuck," He laughed weakly, his body still numb. The Autumn had found the old blunt again, getting one last sweet breath of it before holding it out to her a last time.

It'd been a long time since she was close to anyone like this. Kissing Kimply in the closet was the nearest she'd gotten to something like this since Jace had left for Europe, and that just felt like a sad imitation. She was sick of brooding. She was sick of feeling confused. She was sick of everything. Evelyn ignored the doubt whispering in her ear, the guilt tugging at her gut, and let herself melt into his arms and sloppy kisses.

Whatever happened, happened. None of it mattered.

How far would he go? Her head felt light and empty, eyes flicking to the door, to the window, that little bit of tension tiptoeing up her spine. How far would she let him take it? She ignored the inner conflict. It was harder saying no than not saying anything at all, and she kissed him back, touched him back, held him back. This stranger that didn't even remember her name. Maybe this was just another sad imitation too, but when she closed her eyes, it felt like the real thing. Stop contradicting yourself. Couldn't she keep her thoughts on the same track?

She was sick of feeling lonely.

Evelyn had spent so long pushing people away, but being acknowledged like this, even if something about it made her skin crawl... It filled that empty void inside her, and it satisfied that craving she hadn't realized she had.

What do I want? Contradiction, confusion. I just want to know what I want. That was the first step. She let out a breathy sigh under his touch, their breaths mingling on the tiny piano bench. I want to be noticed.

That was pretty simple, wasn't it?

She couldn't say what order it all happened in, or how one thing led to another. None of that mattered, really. All she remembered was when he'd pushed her skirt up around her waist, how he'd bent her over the piano, the way he grasped at her hips. It had to have been over a year since she'd last been with Jace, and at first, she'd gripped at the side of the piano so hard until her knuckles turned white, but her hitched breaths and quiet whimpers gave way to light sighs and muffled moans. Evelyn melted into the feeling, forgetting it all up until the end, his weight pressed against her back as he bit into her shoulder.

Then it was over.

Was that what she was looking for? Evelyn didn't stand up at first, face flushed and panting. Her legs felt like jelly. She straightened up and turned around, not meeting his gaze, but glancing at his lips, wondering if she could be greedy enough to steal a kiss. Even if that was too much for two strangers like them, too intimate even after everything they'd done. Not the kind of kiss from before, just a soft and tender kind of kiss, something that didn't feel so carnal.

Maybe that was too much. Evelyn smoothed her skirt back down and fixed her rumpled clothing, staring at the floor. A queasy feeling stirred in her gut. She'd never... Sometimes they'd done it without any protection, but he'd never... What if something happened? Could she rely on a guy like this? Where would she even go from there? That'd be the end of her life. Her head swam with questions, a pang of anxiety spiking into her heart, but the waft of smoke blew all her thoughts away.

Evelyn took the blunt from his hand all too gratefully and brought it to her lips, letting all her worries fade into the haze.