He let her go.
Even if it was nearly a year ago, the decision haunted him from hell and back. Regret wasn't something that he would say that he felt about it back then. He couldn't keep her. She wasn't his; she had someone else waiting for her, someone who cared for her far more than he did and more genuinely than he ever could. Preying on those kinds weren't to his fancy, and something about her struck a chord with him. It may have been play-pretend back then, but it was possible to become the mask, wasn't it? Whatever it was, he was sure she was happier back at the academy and in a safe haven than she ever had been in his company. He was sure he was too eccentric for her tastes, anyway.
Dressed down and in casual-wear rather than the over-exaggerated cape and cloak he had on, Gray rested his hand over his face, concealing his eyes from the unrelenting sun beneath the tree. Black slacks, a baggy white shirt, and a beige cardigan. Normal. It was completely plain and average-looking. Nothing that stood out to anyone. The only eye-catching feature anyone may have snatched from him was the peculiar blue streak in his bangs, standing out in his long alabaster hair.
The sound of lunchtime chatter reached even the lonesome hill far from the academy, permeating his senses. Or perhaps some of it came from the nearby town. Either way, it didn't change the fact that they were all carefree and enjoying themselves. Good for them.
"You're totally jealous, aren'tcha, Graham?"
Gray inwardly sighed, "I am not. When will you get out of my head, Noël?"
An apparition-like phantom figure of a small boy with ash-blonde curls and freckles prodded against Gray's forehead with a teasing smile etched across his features. "Hmm..." A low hum - as low as a child's voice could get, at least - mused itself from the tulpas' throat. "Probably never. Not until you're dead, so you really need to get used to me being here. It's your power that makes me almost real, anyway." Crocodile tears spilled from the blonde's eyes as he wailed. "You've been sooooo mean to me ever since you found out I wasn't real! Why don't you love me anymore, big brother?"
"I accept my responsibility for the crimes I committed, but you provided me a motivation to go through with it." The young adult sighed, pressing his hand harder against his eyes. "It's childish for me to go to such lengths for a figment of my imagination."
Noël choked back a few sobs. "Well... Well... You enjoyed having someone to care for!"
"Yes, I did. But that doesn't make you real."
"You can make me real."
"I can, but I won't."
"Is it because you don't wanna commit crimes for my sake again? Or is it because you hate me?"
"The former."
"So why haven't you quit that organization yet?" The blonde flashed a devilish grin, stretching from ear to ear as he bared his fangs. "Isn't it because you enjoy killing and stealing?"
"I would leave if I could, and you of all people know that." Gray sighed again, a hint of exasperation in his voice. "Now please stop speaking to me and making me look insane to onlookers."
Noël blinked. "But you're already insane."
"Then refrain from making me appear even more insane than I already am."
Holding his hands up like someone had caught him trying to steal from the cookie jar, Noël mumbled a few things under his breath, looked at Gray and the empty expanse in front of them and then back at Gray. "She's probably not gonna come here without a notice. Are you that lonely? I'm still here." His face contorted into a frown. "What if he finds you here?"
"Well, if he finds me instead, then I can finally get rid of you now, can't I?" Gray chuckled darkly.
The tulpas' frown deepened. "Your loss then. I'll leave you alone. Don't stay here forever or else Argona's actually gonna kill you." With a snap of his fingers, Noël immediately disappeared and evaporated into thin air. Or rather, he wasn't there in the first place and the silver haired-boy had just been talking to a wall of nothing.
If he could choose, he would prefer if nobody else had heard that conversation of his. But beggars couldn't be choosers, and he certainly wasn't on home turf. Being picky when on rival territory was the last thing he should be doing. Gray exhaled, feeling each gust of air by his fingers. Whoever he ran into, he could only hope a little that he could ask about her. Actually seeing her would need more luck than winning Russian Roulette. Hopefully she was doing well.
