Dying on the inside

Everything happened so fast. Not just the last few days, but her whole life. Her father and sister’s cruelty, being trapped in the requip dimension, being transferred to Beata, and now this. Honestly, her past wasn’t that bad compared to others, but it was enough to make the girl snap.

Waking with a jolt, Freya took in a deep breath of the stale infirmary air. Of course, someone had taken her here. Why couldn’t anyone listen to her wishes? Was it that hard to let her die on the dorm floor, to end her suffering once and for all? She glanced down to one of her arms that was hooked to an IV. She must have lost a lot of blood or maybe it was the drugs… The drugs… when Jonathan arrived, she’d almost completely forgot about them. I’ll need to get some more later. An outside friend had supplied her with everything she needed and she wasn’t going to give up the wonderful supplements that gave her false happiness. Every slight movement hurt like hell and Freya remembered what she’d done. Lifting her hand to her neck she felt the bandage around her wound, wincing at the pain. Damn.

Many people were scared of dying, was Freya? Yes she was, no, not scared, terrified. Trying to kill herself at the time seemed like the best possible solution, but now.... not so much. The infirmary air was stifling and smelt of medicine and lonely souls. Freya was curious as to who else was around, though she dared not moved her neck. How long will I be here. It was a stupid question. Along with being bedridden, she'd most likely have to go through therapy or counseling; just what she needed. Counselors always acted nice and caring, and maybe they were what they acted like. Don't judge a book by it's cover. She couldn't help remember the time she spent with Leo. It was kind of awkward but the former prefect was actually a pretty nice. Stop thinking about him. He already has a girlfriend. Well, if that's what you'd call someone like that. Giving a sigh, she sunk into her pillow, already bored out of her mind.

"I'm just going to head to the bathroom, I'll see you later."

The blond ducked into the room, knowing it was the closest toilet. He didn't check to see who was in the room when he used the restroom connected to it. It was only a few minutes before he reappeared at the door. It was at that moment that Leo had taken his time to glance around the room. A familiar face welcomed him as he spotted her on the bed.

"Freya?" He asked slowly, his voice tinged with slight alarm. He had last seen her a round a month or so back. She had seemed fine back then. What had happened?

The angel approached her bedside, caution in every step. A bandage around her neck gave away the seriousness of Freya's stay at the infirmary. His bottom lip jutted out ever so slightly, his blond brows knitted together with worry. "What happened?" Leo's voice was soft, just above a whisper.

That voice... she knew who it was. Just the person she didn't want to see. Not only did she look like shit, but she felt like shit too. She couldn't tell him, could she? Oh you know, just your average depression and suicide. He would probably think of her as a depressed loser if she did, but then again, she was.

"Everything." Freya mumbled, unable to meet Leo's eyes. At least it wasn't a complete lie. Freya's past and guilt had finally caught up to her, weighing her down. And the worst part of all was that she had no one to turn to, no one to comfort her, no one to love. Of course there were people at Beata like Leo and Jonathan; kind and caring, but it'd be too embarrassing if she talked with them about stuff like this. Then there was Maria, who was never any help, which also pissed Freya off. Her own sister, a total bitch! Freya always wondered why Maria was never nice or at least showed that she cared, even if it was fake.

~~~

When Maria heard of the stunt Freya pulled, she took no time asking questions. What could have possibly happened? The usually unsympathetic student rushed down to the infirmary, somewhat scared of what she would walk into. Did her sister try to kill someone? Or worse? All Maria could think of were the worst possibilities.

After what seemed like ages, she finally reached the infirmary. Slamming the doors open, she frantically looked around Freya. She looked from curtain to curtain, bed to bed, until she came across the right one. Flipping the curtain to the side, Maria stood in front of the bed, out of breath. At first, she had no idea what to say, looking at her sister's dull eyes, emotionless expression, and the bandage around her neck. "What were you thinking?!" She exclaimed; half out of fear, the other half anger. Maria barley noticed her dorm mate standing there or just didn't care.

"Everything?" Leo repeated, as if an echo. What a vague response. The blond went to open his mouth to respond, but was snapped shut when the door to their room slammed open, startling Leo. Although, the person who entered didn't seem out of the ordinary. Of course the sibling would visit when the other was hurt. Even Maria. Wide blue eyes followed her to the other side of Frey's bed, her exclamation reasonable in it's outburst. Leo didn't know how Freya had gotten hurt, but he knew by what Maria said; it was something completely reckless.

Dammit, what was she supposed to do? Now both of them were here and she was stuck on the bed with no place to go. Well, it seemed like Maria already guessed what she'd done but Leo looked completely clueless. But he was a former prefect, a friend... she could trust, right? Before Freya could say anything, Maria smacked her hand down on the side bar of the bed.

~~~

Looking down at Freya, she didn't know what to say. Commit suicide? Honestly, she should have seen this coming. Her sister had always seemed... depressed but Maria had always thought of it as her normal personality. She remember when Freya killed Tyler and when she trapped her in the dimension, leaving her sister alone at home with their father. Maybe it was all catching up to her. But still... where did she get the drugs?

"Why. Why would try something as stupid as... this?" She mumbled. Yeah, there were times when it seemed like Maria thought of Freya as no more than a being on this vast earth but what if Freya had succeeded? Remembering Leo was standing there, she snapped her head to the boy. "Mind if I ask why you're here?" But don't leave just yet Leo bab.

'What did she do?' Leo thought with lips pressed together into a flat line. Something that would prompt a sibling's response such as Maria's.. was concerning to Leo. Especially the bandage around her neck. A possible fatal wound, especially if she was kept in the infirmary. A normal bruise or cut could be healed by Ethan. But perhaps this was something worse. What could have Freya done?

Maria's sharp tone broke the blond out of his worried thoughts. Slightly taken aback, he pursed his lips. "Freya is my friend." The tone in his voice suggested for no more arguments. As if that answered the question completely. Perhaps it could be odd that they had only met once, and the angel already considered the two of them pals. Especially with the level of worry he was exhibiting. Leo didn't think much about it, he would be acting the same way had Aleta been in this position.

Speaking of how this happened, Leo didn't enjoy being left out of the loop. "What happened? What caused this?" Blue eyes glanced between the two siblings, waiting for one of them to answer. The former prefect looked slightly frustrated due to the lack of information. It was slightly apparent to Leo that Freya may not even wish to talk about what had happened. But in that case she would refuse, right?

What... what was going on? Everything from her thoughts to the world, was racing around in circles. Maria couldn't take it anymore. "She tried to kill herself!" The girl half yelled, looking from Leo to the ground. It was annoying, keeping Leo in the dark and she might as well just say it. Her own sister... Geez, great way to bring attention upon yourself. Maria slumped down into a nearby chair keeping her gaze at the ground, unsure of what to really say.

~~~

Seriously? Of course Maria couldn't keep her mouth shut. Honestly, Freya didn't understand why Maria seemed so worried when she never cared about her younger sister before. But the words "Freya is my friend" caught her by surprise. Friends? Did he really think of them... as friends? He was a nice guy, that was for sure, but no one needed to be friends with her. Freya would probably just weigh them down. "Sorry." She mumbled, somewhat directed towards both of them.

His jaw loosened, and his lips parted to take in a sharp inhale. Blue eyes wavered on Maria before looking down and to the right. Kill herself? Blond brows knit together as he processed this. 'Why?' He found himself thinking along side of Maria. His gaze flashed over to Freya's form, who meekly apologized. 'No, she shouldn't be apologizing."

It was like someone just flipped a switch within him. The blond moved, kneeling at the head of Freya's bed. Just so he was around head level with her. His shocked appearance from before slipped into a warm look. Leo rested his hand gently on her arm. No words came through his mouth for what seemed the longest time.

Yet once he did speak, the words were soft. There were no forced emotions apparent for Freya to see. Just a friend comforting another. "I cannot say that I know what you are going through..." He began. Slight movements in his eyes revealed the thought he was putting behind his words.

"But I can say that I am very glad you are still here." Leo's small smile grew just a bit. His words becoming more confident as he responded. "I would like to help you, much like you did for me." The smile dropped and the former prefect's lips returned to their flat position, giving away some of the concern that Leo was feeling at that moment.

"Would you tell me how I could support you?"

If only he was as good at cheering others up as he was with himself. Maybe things don't work that way. Leo had been feeling quite a lot of stress and uncertainty the past few months. Would he ever try and do the same thing that Freya had? A quick glance at Maria, and the bandage on Freya's neck made him toss away the thought. There would be people who would need him. He couldn't do that to them. Keirsta, Devin, Aleta, and whoever the child would end up to be...Freya too. Especially if she felt this way. It wouldn't her any good if the person trying to help her would do the same thing.

No. Never.

Half embarrassed, half confused, Freya could only sit there. Was he serious? Or was this just some act to try to look nice? No, Leo was a good guy, she could trust him, right? Looking at Maria, she gave her sister the shut up look and was glad when Maria replied with a nod. Does she trust him too?

"How you can help?" She mumbled aloud. Now that she thought about it, how could he help? "I really..." Freya took a pause, wondering what to say. "Need someone to talk to I guess." It was probably a shitty answer, but at least it was an answer. An honest one too.

A smile spread across his face. "You got it, Freya." He responded, lightly removing his hand from her arm. Leo didn't want anyone to suffer, and put his best effort into trying to make her feel better. "If you want to talk about anything, just let me know. I'll do my best to listen." His blue eyes casted a glance towards Maria. Had she done anything to help her sister?

"There's so much to talk about, I don't even know where to start." Freya sighed.

Although all she truly wanted was someone to talk to, wouldn't it be embarrassing if she ranted her life's story to this guy she barely knew? Dammit, I'm so stupid. Leo had been so kind to her, yet she still doubted him. Foolish. "Well..." She was about to start when Maria got up.

~~~

Seeing Leo look at her like annoyed her. What was he expecting, for her to give some encouraging speech? No, Freya got herself into this mess, she'd have to deal with it on her own. Giving a sigh, she stood up, and started heading to the door. "I don't need to hear this sob story again." She said bluntly, without the any sign of remorse for her sister. Before anyone could object, the taller student left the room. As if being the main character in a story like that wasn't enough, she didn't need to remember it all again. Unlike her, I've left all that shit behind me. Maria tried to reassure herself, exiting the infirmary.

~~~

Before Leo could say anything to Maria, Freya spoke up. "Don't bother. I'm surprised she even came." Though it was a somewhat sad statement, with them being sisters and all, it was a truth. "Maria rarely ever shows that she cares, and I guess that's where this whole thing started." Just tell him, you have nothing to lose. "I mean, she was always off doing something, but once she turned sixteen, her absences were really noticeable and I was stuck at home to deal with all the family shit." Her gaze shifted from Leo to the blanket. "Our dad only loved us cause of our power. Somehow, he had the money to buy tons of weaponry and gave it all to us. He practically trained us to be killers. Maria always enjoyed it, getting to blow stuff up and spar with fighters our dad hired, but I never really enjoyed it or understood the whole point of it." She stopped, wondering if he'd already fallen asleep from boredom.

Leo settled down, ready to listen. If there was one thing Leo was good at, it was listening. A patient look was on his face, a practiced one. A movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. As Maria stood up, Leo rose to his feet, lips pressed together in a frown. Wasn't she going to try and help her sister? Did she care at all? Lips parted, for a moment, but closed as Freya spoke. Telling him not to bother. With hesitation, he complied. The angel took Maria's old seat and pulled it up to Freya's bed. It seemed that he was the only one who cared.

Which was a sad notion. Perhaps Freya had a hard time making friends. It didn't seem that she had any. The lack of flowers for someone in such a condition was evident to that. Maybe he could bring some in later. That's what people did, right? With a deep breath the patient face returned, ready to listen.

His blue eyes did not leave her face. Leo took her explanation with an innate ability for discernment. By no means did the former prefect look bored. Instead, he was focusing on Freya. On his aspiration to make her feel better about herself. Perhaps an ironic way to prove to himself his own sense of peace. Noticing a pair of eyes back on him, a nod was returned. Thus encouraging her to continue.

Seeing Leo look pretty interested or at least trying to be, she continued. "Then there was our mother, the sweetest, most gentle person you'd ever meet. She loved us, cared for us, but of course there was nothing she could do with our father around." She gave a sigh, remembering her mother's soft smile. "So basically we lived under the same roof as a powerful man for most of our lives until Maria got fed up." Freya wondered if it was the right thing to do, telling Leo her sister's life story. If Maria found out, Freya would be back to the infirmary in no time. She decided to continue.

"As you've probably learned by now, she's always been a free spirit. When she turned fifteen, Maria went to her club. Of course our parents never knew, or found out. Our dad was always busy with his job and our mom didn't think anything bad about us, which was somewhat sad. Before long, Maria was gone more and more, skipping school and probably getting high with some guy. Finally, our dad found out. As fearful we were of him, Maria gave him what he deserved." Wow, was her life really that pitiful? She wondered before going on. "While Maria was off doing who knows what, I was stuck at home. I could've gone if I wanted to, she even invited me once, and honestly, I regret not going for our household was very strict. Piano lessons everyday for a hour to two hours, horse back riding, school, a bunch of boring shit. To my luck, I was given the task to make up for what Maria had been doing. As my mother put it, I was to be the lady of the household, like she and her mother before her had been." Although it was a bit awkward, telling him all of this kind of felt good, like a weight was lifting off her shoulders.

"One day, while we were sparing, my dad started pushing Maria's gift to fast. I still don't know if he was mad at her or just trying to see what she was capable of. He gave us new weapons, some I didn't even know existed and wondered how he could possibly get them. Both of us spared for what seemed like ages until she fucked up. I honestly have no idea what happened and no one will tell me, but one second I was aiming a gun at her head, the next, I guess I was in the requip dimension. I lost consciousness pretty fast and woke up in a hospital bed. My mom said Maria managed to bring me back to the real world and that I was in a coma for a month or so." Just thinking about her past gave Freya a slight shiver. "She also said my sister had been kicked out the house by our father, and I never saw her again, until I came to Beata. Which was the last place I expected her to be." Freya flipped a stray strand of hair behind her shoulder. Going deeper and deeper into the details, it got harder to speak and Freya found herself chocking on words. "My parents never talked about her ever again, like she never existed. Not having many friends at school, I was so alone, so bored."

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Leo listened respectfully, hiding his distaste for Freya's father under a veil of composure. It would not make Freya feel any better if he was visually upset by this. There was no smile on his face. Which made the world feel stiff around him. An air of seriousness was about Leo, it was quite obvious that he earnestly cared. Yet, a nagging feeling ate away at the back of his mind.

Was he in the right to give advice and try to help others when he had his own problems? Or would he learn from everyone else's issues to solve his own? It would feel wrong to detach himself from other people just because he was going to be a father. Yet doing this also meant he was not focusing as much on his issue. It kept going around in circles. If he wasn't going to do it, who would?

A hitch in Freya's words brought the entirety of Leo's attention to her. He hated it when people were upset. "Freya, if it is too much to talk about right now, you don't have to. I'm not going to make you spill everything." The angel leaned forward to look her in the eye. "If it digs up too many memories, don't worry about it. Okay?"

"It's not the memories..." She started, but unfortunately it was a lie. Honestly, this was the most she'd ever told anyone, although it wasn't even half the story. "But yeah, I won't put you through anymore of this sob story." There was a faint smile on Freya's face. Thinking about something to lighten up the conversation, she remembered when her and Leo first met. "So, have you been practicing piano?" It was kind of a random question, but it was better than the awkward that sat in the room.