And We All Fall Down [closed]

That was the new thing. 'Where were you when it happened?' Not out loud, and not to any strangers, it was too soon, but there was a million things on people's minds, and nobody cared about your gift or your Formal plans. Unless you'd lost your mind, there was just one thing that should've been dominating everyone's thoughts. How many people had died again? She hadn't even tried to count all the lit candles in the hall or the portraits on the walls, makeshift memorials for a dozen faces she hadn't focused on too long, too afraid she'd be able to put a name to a face. It was bad enough with the teachers, Mr. Zykov, Ms. Harris, Mrs. Breton, people she'd known since she'd first stepped through the gates with a fish tank in her hands. When Spion had killed Mr... What was his name again? Mr. Wray? When he'd killed Mr. Wray, she'd felt like she'd started to unravel from the inside out, like any second her life would be on the line, but now...

If anyone asked her, she'd drank through the whole thing and watched the school burn from her dorm room. One day was a lot like another, blurring past her in a haze. It was already November. Where'd all the time go? Evelyn held out her palm, catching a fleck of water across her finger. Rain again. She guessed it was that part of the year. Gray skies, dull classes.

Hey, she'd been scared shitless, and she still was, but part of it didn't even feel real. She'd gotten out with her bruises and her body intact, and by a small miracle, her dorm had survived the carnage. She'd heard the Autumn dorms explode while she was doodling in her journal, and she'd watched the cafeteria collapse from out her window. It was a little amazing what people could do with just that bit of push.

Evelyn leaned farther out on the railing with a grin, glancing up to the clouds. Maybe she'd lost her mind too, after all this. She'd almost died. They'd all almost died. After so long at this school, she'd started to think everyone else was crazy but her, but maybe... Well, it was stupid to think she was the exception. Apathy. That's what it was. A dull, numbing apathy buzzing right between her ribs. The deaths, the carnage, the people in black, all of it, she just didn't give a shit. What was the point? Besides the somber atmosphere that weighed over the school like a rain cloud, there weren't even any traces it had ever happened. Just like that, a snap of your fingers, and the whole mess snapped back in place like magic. The only thing they couldn't do was put all the people back together again, but they were all just a blur of faces, and she wouldn't even notice most of them were gone, just like they'd never notice her.

The drinking helped with all of that.

She didn't care if it killed her.

"Cheers," she muttered under her breath, almost mockingly to the sky, and brought the flask to her lips. She would've poured one out, but that was just a waste of money.

They had a few new teachers to cap it all off. Jonathan, the Australian boy she'd met at the Formal, the one who'd fallen straight on top of her in the courtyard. Ethan, her old roommate. It'd only been a few months ago when they were raising that teddy bear together for their health project, swapping stilted conversation. And Jace. Just Jace. She'd seen him a few times from a distance, and every time she wanted to tear her hair out, run to him, call to him, fucking throw rocks at him. In a couple words for a million emotions, there was a lot of things she wanted to do, and she couldn't do any of them. Evelyn hadn't gone to any of his classes, but that didn't stop him from reaching out. She was in the same dorm she'd been in since she'd first moved in, the same classes, doing the same old routine, and she'd deleted his name in her phone, but she still remembered his old number by heart. Not a word. Not a knock on the door. Nothing.

She wasn't sure what she was expecting. She wasn't surprised, but there was a sting of disappointment, a bitter taste on her tongue, and every time his name crossed her mind she had to throw back another drink to burn it out.

Wasn't he a little too young for a teacher? All three of them. Mr. Zykov, Ms. Harris, the Headmaster, they were all young, but at least they were adults. She'd talked to Jonathan, she'd lived with Ethan, she'd been with Jason, and she damn knew none of them had any kind of degree, so why were they teaching classes? This whole school was a joke. A fake. She'd wished it'd all burned down.

Evelyn took another drink.

It was a special kind of bravery. Fake, but it worked. She was fed up with all of it. When you'd seen what they'd all seen, all her old worries felt all too fragile, all too artificial. Awkward silences, her stutter, her clumsiness and how she looked, how she talked, how she acted. None of it mattered. They couldn't fucking see her anyways. Evelyn laughed to herself, her lips brushing over the brim of the flask. Call it a new perspective? She could do anything. Anything. What were any of them going to do? Her thoughts had gone down the same track once or twice on a few bitter enough nights, and maybe it was the alcohol talking, but it felt different this time. She'd strut in with the same faux-confidence a few times and it'd all broke apart right out the gate, as soon as the liquid courage wore off, but the same thoughts had loomed in the back of her head every minute since it'd happened.

In a way, it almost felt like a weight lifted off her shoulders. Maybe she was the only person in the school giggling over the whole attack.

Right now, she could just laugh, for no reason at all. That was enough.

Huh. She hadn't noticed her hands had been shaking. Evelyn's grin was frozen on her faze as she hunched her shoulders against the drizzle, slipping her free hand into her pocket and hugging the flask to her chest. Pretty view... Beata had always had that going for it, at least.